Girl Talk

My daughter will be 10 years old in a couple of weeks. All of us with girls around this age, or older know exactly what this means. It means that we as mothers, are about to be highly uncomfortable. If you happen to be one of those that are actually comfortable, please share with the rest of us how we prevent wanting crawl under a rock and die.

Last year, when my daughter turned 9, I bought her this book.

I thought it would make my life a lot easier. I would just hand her the book and tell her to read it. After reading it, she would know and understand everything and I wouldn't have to say anything, right?

My poor mother. She probably never got "the talk" from her mother and if she did, I can imagine what it went like: Just blow some smoke in it and it will feel better. My mother hardly said one word to me about it unless it was absolutely necessary.

She first tried to present the topic to me (age 6) and to my brother (age 4) with this book when we learned that my mother was expecting our little brother. She got to about page 3 before she slammed the book shut as my young brother and I laughed and laughed at the extremely vivid (and what we thought, comical) pictures. What did she expect?

Douglas was born a few months later and we never heard another word about it. The book disappeared.

The next "talk" I got wasn't even a talk. I was 16 and I wanted to go swimming, but there was only one problem with this. I had my period. I knew what tampons where for. I had thoroughly looked at the box, read all the instructions, and was well aware of the possibility of getting TSS by using too high of an absorbency by the time I was 8 years old. But...I did not know how to actually use them.

My mom handed me a tampon that day and I went into the bathroom. I came out about 5 minutes later flustered and upset. I couldn't get it to work! I didn't know what the hell I was doing. After having read the directions and looking at the pictures, I still couldn't do it. I had to ask my mom to come into the bathroom and help me. My poor mother. I don't think I was nearly as embarrassed as she was.

I just wanted to go swimming.

On sex, my mother's statement: "Don't do it because you'll never stop."

True.

So now here I am in my mother's place and I want to do better than she did yet, I find myself in my mother's place. How do I talk to my daughter without sounding like a bumbling idiot and how do I warn her about all the assholes out there my mother never warned me about?

I handed my daughter the book a year ago and told her to come to me with any questions. She did and tonight-a year later-she still had questions. No doubt. And it is damned hard to answer them without my bias, without my cynicism, without sounding preachy, and while still keeping it PG-13 because she is 10.

She knows how babies are made (female = eggs/ male = sperm, both meet and make a baby) and she also knows her Daddy's sperm tails are growing back after his surgery so we can have another baby. I've warned her about boys and how they will say anything to get what they want. I've warned her that she should be married before having babies because life sucks without a Dad (it can suck with one too, but that's for another day). I've told her that if you have a baby as a teenager, life will be extremely difficult and you may, or may not achieve your dreams. I told her that you need to love yourself first.

First.

I'm not sure of any of it will stick, but these things will be repeated.

Tampons can wait for another day even though I see her examining the box...

Boys are so much easier.