They don't work with me and they don't work with the majority of other people I know. As a matter of fact, they have the exact opposite effect on me. They make me angry and they make me NOT want to be around you.
I've found, that the healthier a person tends to be mentally and physically, the easier it is to reject guilt trips because any normally functioning human being knows they are tools of the selfish, self-loathing, and insecure to get what they want. They are an incredibly dysfunctional and revealing about a person's character.
When a person has a lot of self-guilt, it is often projected onto others. Secure, happy people have no reason, motivation, or rationale to use guilt because they are full inside. It isn't even on their radar because happy people love from the inside out instead of looking for outside things to fill them up. That never, ever works.
Think for a moment that you are a circle and at the center of that circle is your heart. A happy person has a full circle around their heart with no cracks, holes, or breaks. That person loves from their heart, outward and since the happy person's circle is complete, none of the bad stuff can get inside. An insecure, unhappy person has a circle that isn't complete and is riddled with a few, or sometimes many cracks. That person will continually look outside of themselves to fill in the cracks of their circle thinking those things will make their circle complete and heal their brokenness. An example is the unhappy spouse who looks to other women, or men in an unhappy marriage in order to fill that crack. It will never, ever work. The negative feelings about yourself will still be there no matter who you try to fill the cracks with.
Manipulation and guilt are rooted in fear. Fear of being rejected, fear of losing, fear of not being good enough. It's horribly destructive because fear opposes love in every way.
You may be asking about your circle and its cracks, wondering how can I seal my circle and feel complete? How do I stop guilt, bad feelings, and negativity from invading my circle?
While it may work temporarily, guilt is not sustainable. You have got to be motivated and focused on the things that are the most important to you. Most people already have everything they'll ever need inside their circle, but are so self-centered and unfocused, that they fail to see what's there. Think for a moment what is inside your own personal circle. Do you have a spouse who loves you? Do you have children who need you? Do you have any passions, talents, or gifts? If the answer is yes, then the way to fill and seal those cracks relies on changing your perspective and refocus.
If not, find things you are passionate about and find things to do for others. If you can figure out why you feel guilty, you can move to fix your heart. If you fix what's broken in your heart, you can begin loving outward and complete your circle.
I never want to make people feel guilty. I still do it sometimes and I hate that about myself, but I also realize when I am doing it. The moment I realize of giving someone a guilt trip to get my way, I stop immediately and refocus. I take a minute to ask myself why I'm doing it. It's usually because I'm hurt in some way. Because I realize I've been hurt, I can then examine why I'm hurt. The reason why I'm hurt is always inside and not the fault of anyone. I apologize and fix my issue.
If I want to be accused of being guilty, or of feeling guilty about anything, I want to be accused of loving my family too much to hurt them by filling cracks in my circle with things that will destroy them...
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