My 10 Year Old

My daughter is at "that age." She is a hot bundled mess of cranky, emotional, indecisive, smart-mouthed, non hair brushing, bad grade hiding, excuse making, fake story telling, imaginative, creative, tomboy (tries to be girly), wants to be cool (but isn't), talented, curious, crush laden, smart (but air-headed), self conscious, awkwardness.

She is 10.

And she reminds me of me.

This troubles me.

The type of girl I described above can fall into some pretty bad behaviors if you don't watch closely and parent appropriately.

I'm currently struggling with this tween. I realize now that the reason I am struggling is because my mother struggled to parent me at this age. It is no offense to my mother, of course, because she too, only learned from what she had been given. Three or four generations in now, I'm at a loss. I find myself denying her things, saying things, making her do things with little to no, or horrible explanations.

She tried out for the school talent show and made it in the show. She got a bad progress report and I told her she would instead, stay after school for extra help the week of the talent show to help bring up her grades. Harsh? Maybe. I TRIED to tell her that life is about making choices and that it would be a better choice for her to take an opportunity to improve her grades (especially after she had written a letter to me and her father promising that she would stay after school to improve her grades). She thought my banning her from the talent show was punishment.

Kayleigh, you don't need a talent show to show the world how talented you are.

That's what I told her.

You have more talent than 99% of the kids in the show and you know it. Girls telling jokes in fake mustaches and singing off-key pop songs have nothing on your beautiful katas. Nobody will appreciate the beautiful art form you have to offer them.

And that is true.

She struggles with the art I introduced her to. Apparently, Shotokan Karate isn't "popular" on the playground and I assume it will be even less popular on the middle school playground this fall. Nobody (especially other girls) appreciates a 10 year old girl who can kick a 40 year old's ass if necessary. Truth be told, my child wouldn't hurt a fly on a piece of cake to spite what I've told her: If someone messes with you Kayleigh, you have my permission to use your karate and KICK THEIR ASS!

But I'll get in trouble Mom.

Not at home you won't. You never will.

Ah, my daughter. The voice of reason.

She waffles back and forth on liking karate and hating it.

Truth is, she is waffling back and forth on what is "acceptable" among her friends. When we were out today clothes shopping, I found a beautiful dress for her and she loved it! She was hesitant about allowing me to buy it for her because she was told that she wears too many dresses on free dress days. She didn't want the dress. I said I was buying it anyway because SHE loved it and if her "friends" didn't like her wearing dresses that was and I quote, "their damned problem". Emphasis on the word DAMNED. "You wear what YOU like Kayleigh. To hell what anyone thinks about it."

Ok Mommy.

But I'm not the one who has to go to school and listen to the other girls making fun of me because they are jealous of my beautiful clothes.

I'm not the one who has to listen to the girls making fun of me because I train to be a bad ass and all they know how to do is grow their nails, sing pop songs, and chase boys.

Secretly, she wants to be like those girls. I know because I wanted to be like that too. I was a misfit. I still am. But the difference between the me then and the me now is that I flat out do not give one flying shit what you think. Sometimes that not giving a shit attitude gets me in trouble, but mostly, it makes me interesting and people can't wait to see what I'm going to do, or say next.

I want this for my daughter, but want to skip all that pure ugliness that she will get from others that are not so confident in between, that can truly smash who she is inside. I try very hard to get her to just be herself. So far, I'm doing pretty good, but the hardest part is ahead of me.

If she just keeps this self confidence...

After all, I didn't get mine until I was 35.