No WAY you are Shy!

This may be a complete shocker and hard for many of you to believe, but I am very shy.

Your laughter can stop now, it's true.

My husband knows, some of my very close friends know, but aside from that hardly anyone knows...I think. Well, until right now, of course.

Being around people that I don't know in a social setting is one of my biggest fears (my biggest being my crippling fear of heights...the ferris wheel at Elitch Gardens makes me sick and the ascent to Mount Evans, I was sitting on the floor of the car crying). Although I'm not sure "fear" of an unknown social setting is the appropriate word because I'm not actually "afraid" of it. I just don't like it.

It's just plain uncomfortable.

People who see me day to day would never believe this is the case because I am a very friendly, personable, well-liked person (for the most part). I realize that for some, I can be an acquired taste because I'm a little abrasive, a touch pushy, and somewhat passive aggressive. I think that because I KNOW that I am this way. I have a very strong personality and have very strong opinions and so, I am naturally very uncomfortable around people that I do not know.

The absolute worst thing anyone can do is force me into a social situation where I don't know one single person. I feel then, as if I have to be quiet, nod, and agree while all the while thinking in my head "wtf". Why? Well, if I open my mouth, something I say might be offensive. Someone might take what I say and hear it the wrong way. I joke around, I make light of serious situations by saying something to make people laugh or smile, and I can be a little inappropriate at times. So it's just best for me to be completely quiet until I get a feel of the people around me. If I start to feel like you don't have your panties up in a wad, I might say something. If not, I will quietly sip on my drink and pray that one of my kids breaks a window or something and we have to leave.

And that's me.

So when my husband told me I didn't have to go to his friend's graduation party this afternoon, I was elated. I didn't have to pretend for one single minute that I was this little perfect, demure, pretty, quiet little wife agreeable to everything.

Now, on the other side of this story is: You are friends with me.

What a boat load of fun I can be. You know everything. You see me at my best and you love me at my worst (smashed peaches, laughing about cartwheels over parked cars, fried wiring and all). You know that it takes a little bit to get in there. You have to earn my trust and if you betray that trust, you've got a foot in the ass on your way out the door. I only let loose around those that I love.

Being around new people when you are someone like me is hard. You never know how you are going to be received. you never know if the joke you tell can banish you forever, you never know if you are one word away from someone saying you are going to spend an eternity burning in hell. I just never know.

And so, I am reserved until...

:)