Honestly Thankful

I know a lot of people are "thankful" this year (as they are every year). As Americans, we all have a wealth of things to be thankful for that the majority of countries do not have: running water, for instance.

Yes, we as Americans often forget how good we have it. Flip a switch and we have light. Approach our Maytag refrigerator and have ice cubes, filtered water, fresh milk, and "leftovers" anytime we want them. Pick up our phone and have anyone at our service. We can go to a store (any store), find something we love, hand over a plastic card, and worry about it paying for it later. Maybe we won't.

I have a lot of things many people don't have. What I've noticed lately is that it isn't so much the material things we have, it's the stability and happiness. There are people all around me who are unhappy and if they don't tell me first hand, I can see it. Life is too short to be unhappy. Maybe it is easy for me to say, given the spot that I'm in now. But I did not, myself, come from a "happy" place.

I built one.

We'll be married 12 years his December 7th. It's nothing short of a miracle that we still are.

Nobody ever dives into the depths of their marriage in a public forum and I'm not about to either, but those of us who have been married for the better part of a decade, or more know what I'm talking about. Being married is not easy. Period. Marriages fall apart every day and I can understand why. If you are not committed, dedicated, and looking at the big picture, you will fail. If you do not treat your spouse better than the way you want to be treated, forget it. If you dare put your marriage last, it's the end of the line for you. It was for me. Then, I turned it around.

This house was not always happy. My husband asked me for a divorce on our tenth anniversary. Only a couple of people in my life know this, but since it is two years past, I can now talk about it. It was the most horrible day of my life. You may be thinking, what a shit thing to do...ask your wife for a divorce ON your ten year anniversary, but really, it was deserved.

As I begged and cried that night for him to reconsider, inside I knew he had every right to ask.

We started marriage counseling because well, that was our last resort. He said he would try everything including "acupuncture" to save our family. Long story short, because we were BOTH committed to making this work, our family was "saved". A miracle still, honestly.

I am thankful for meeting my Greg. We met on the brand new "AOL Love" website blindly. No pictures-just a phony ad and a phone call. Our first date consisted of him meeting me after work and going to some hole in the wall bar near my parent's house. The first kiss we had, I knew I would marry him. Six months later, I did.

I knew nothing about him.

This marriage has consisted of us getting to know one another because we never had that opportunity. Let me tell you, that was hard work for both of us. It was like we had opened a package on Christmas and said "WTF is this?" We spent quite some time figuring that out. I think at about eight, or nine years in we realized what we got with one another. The years before, we spent wondering what in the hell we were doing.

And we had kids in the mix.

Two years or so into this questionable relationship (marriage), we had our Kayleigh. She was born unexpectedly at 32 weeks and with a whole host of problems. Let's not worry about two people who barely knew each other, let's add a baby born early with special needs. What would follow is a year of complete unknowns, worry, instability, and yes, pregnant with another baby (we thought it was a great idea to have two kids close together so they could be playmates) when Kayleigh at 18 months old, was still not walking.

Kayleigh. My test. She tested everything of me and still is. From the minute I went into labor, until her almost 10th year on this earth, she is my test. She will not be me. God forbid. And I'm happy to say that thus far, she is not me (well, in some ways I suppose, but the good ways) at age 9 and some change. She is the most kind, gentle, caring person that I know. Today, she heard that a family of five lost everything they had in a house fire.

She gave them her hairbrush.

She looks for the lonely kids on the playground. She is the first kid to welcome the new kid in school. She excels in every sport she tries. She is smart, but in her own "Kayleigh" way. She struggles in school, yet she stays behind to help those who may be a little worse off. Girls pick on her and make fun of her because she is secure in who she is. She doesn't care what you think of her and she will tell you to your face. She's my Kayleigh.

And at 19 months old, she was a proud sister to our Alekzander.

Alekzander had the worst temper tantrums. He was a wonderfully happy baby and a miserable toddler. We worried about him for awhile. He hated school. He hated to read, he hated to write. Now I'm worried that he may be smarter than me. He has foresight and a thought process you don't get from a teenager, no less an 8 year old boy. So bright and so funny (if you enjoy a walking toilet bowl).

Logan came about 22 months later. Oh, Logan. Mr. Troublemaker, instigator, wise guy, a jerk of a kid really. But, he is as sensitive as they come. He will cry over anything and everything. I guess you can call him one those who can dish it, but can't take it...at all. He can call you names for fun, do something jerky like intentionally trip you as you walk by, but the second you seek your retribution, he's off crying in a corner. He's not one to stand up for himself either. He lets kids push him around and stuffs his hurt feelings in. Maybe that's why he is intentionally tripping me?

William. We had him because I didn't want a family like my mother's. I couldn't have a girl and two boys like she did. I had to have just one more kid. That, and well, we wanted to try for another girl to even out the teams.

Smart, sweet, talented William. He could be President, or an Academy award winner because sometimes it's really hard to tell if he is blowing smoke up your ass, or if he is being genuine. I'll tell you this much, he's an awesome dancer and would be great at karate if he would stop faking falling on the floor so much.

And number 5, yet to be conceived, surgery in less than two weeks. The questions we are getting. People thinking we are crazy. People TELLING me I'm crazy. The biggest question is why?

Why?

To which my husband and I simply answer: why not?

The reasons why we are reversing his vasectomy and choosing to have another child is because WE WANT ONE. Our children are the most precious gifts to us. They are wonderful in their own unique way and we are so blessed to be their parents. My job as Mom is so fulfilling and rewarding. Adding a fifth child will expand this heart even more. It is the right choice for us, no question about it.

I don't want to hear anyone else asking me why while rolling their eyes and sighing as if they are so shocked and disgusted, they want to vomit. Instead, be thankful that another child will be coming into the world and right into the arms of loving, motivated, and involved parents that after 12 years of marriage, are still head over heels in love with each other.