Reflections on a Year Passed

The time with my kids and husband is winding down. We will all go back to school and work in just a few more days. We've had a lot of fun with each other playing games, visiting Santa, going to the movies, touring a candy factory, baking, laughing, and cuddling.

I've only had to yell a few times (a day) and I haven't had to spank anyone (yet).

This year has been a very good one for us. The last few have been less than desirable. We've had good fortune the last few years (said in the best RHNJ Melissa voice) thank you Jesus! But that fortune isn't luck, it's because my husband works DAMNED hard to be successful. He thanks me for it (I don't know why), but I guess I am being supportive?

Odd behavior for me.

Previous years had not worked so well for me (being asked for a divorce on our 10th anniversary two years ago was my first clue...or maybe my 5th or 6th clue...I don't remember), so when 2011 came around, I thought I would try to be different. I was going to do the opposite of whatever it was that I had been doing in years passed. Did I learn something from an episode of Seinfeld? Perhaps.

But it worked.

If everything I had ever done was wrong, then the opposite would be right.

Instead of being resentful of my husband working so much, traveling all the time, and bitching when he took a little time to himself to play basketball, I supported it. I did not go without a frown, or a snicker (because that seriously would not be me and he would think something was up), but I did keep quiet.

I seriously STFU and I should have done it a long time ago. How harmonious that side of life got when I finally told myself it was ok to grab the entire weight of the house and kids and throw it on my back and my back alone. Now instead of feeling guilted into spending time with me and the kids, he WANTS to do it because I make him feel like he is wanted, not because I told him to take the kids somewhere because I am flipping the fuck out and just need quiet. That is the life I chose for myself, he needn't have to deal with my choices.

I also decided that since being nice all the time to everyone (FAKE!) only resulted in me being spit on, used and walked all over (REAL!), that I would instead, say what I mean and mean what I say. If you pissed me off this year, chances are I told you. Typically, I'd be too much of a girl and not a grown ass woman and keep the crap to myself. What does that solve? Absolutely nothing. If you insulted me, or hurt me, I told you.

2011 was the year that I couldn't take it anymore.

And my husband said it's been our best year of marriage yet.

I'm sure I've pissed a lot of people off along the way this year. As a matter of fact, I know I have. This is no different from years before as I have ALWAYS pissed people off, but the manner in which I realize it is different.

I can tell when all of a sudden people who used to like my facebook statuses everyday and comment on everything, just plain stop. Seems silly, I know, but that is a HUGE indicator these days. As I type this, I know one person in particular is sore at me and I have NO idea why. This is how a lot of people operate it seems.

My hope for the new year is that the people in my life (I am not talking cyberspace because I could care less about you...kinda...depends on who you are) feel as comfortable with me as I do with them. When something I say, or do upsets you, please tell me. I can't fix what I don't know is broken.

My other hope is happiness, good health, love, kindness, and INNER PEACE...for all reading this today.

God bless (or electrons and random luck bless).