Don't Second Guess Who Matters, You Already Know...

It's no secret. We are trying to have a baby.

Another baby.

Everyone in our lives thinks we are crazy.

What are you, nuts? You already have four children, why do you need another one? Can you afford five kids? I guess you like being broke. You have four perfectly happy, healthy kids, why risk ruining it? What are you trying to make up for? Given your knowledge of this world's limited resources, why would you have another child? Aren't you being completely irresponsible?

And my personal favorite: Did you convert to Mormonism?

I have heard it all already and I'm not even pregnant...yet.

Need
Afford
Ruin
Another
Irresponsible

We don't need another child. We want one. Yes, they drive me up the wall a lot of the time, but I wouldn't trade any of their nonsense for anything. I don't understand people who choose not to have children. How can you not have children? When you die childless, you have absolutely nothing to leave behind. All you have ever worked for, all you have earned, lived, gathered, and achieved means absolutely nothing. When you die, everything in your life dies with you.

Children are your legacy. Without them, you will be forgotten. Your family name stops with you. Your family history is gone. I happen to think it's selfish not to have children.

Lawd knows that there are a lot of people out there who reproduce like rabbits...for all the wrong reasons. They do it just because they can. They do it to get money from the government. They do it because they think it will make men stay around. They do it because they need someone to love them. They do it to feel fulfilled. They do it because it is God's will.

People have all sorts of reasons. We have reasons for why we want five, or maybe more.

It's because we love them.

They are OUR chance to see that this world becomes a better place than what we grew up with. Our family and our vision may sound like a Utopian picture perfect Andy Warhol painting. It's not. Anyone who knows us, knows we have had our share of problems. HUGE problems. There is no perfect family, no perfect parent, no perfect child. There is no perfect.

If there are people in our lives who find issue with what we are doing with our lives and our family, the issue is not with us, the issue is with them.

What bothers me the most though is those who think we are ruining what we have. How do you ruin your life with children? I'll never forget when I called my Mom to tell her I was pregnant with Kayleigh (how excited I was!) Well, I was ruining my life.

I cried for days.

I have made a few resolutions for this new year. I've already been using them in the past few months. Water off a duck's back is one of them. The other is to not second guess my choices, or decisions. I have spent a lifetime second guessing things I have done and the choices I have made.

I've realized that I only second guess my choices because of other people.

When it comes down to it, the only people who truly matter are those living under this here roof, on this street, in this city of Colorado. Nobody can see inside these doors, but us. Nobody can see inside this mind, or in this heart. And this heart has plenty of room to grow.