I Want it all and I Want it Now!

I'm supposed to be doing my law homework, but meh. As my Sensei says, "I'd rather take a mawashageri to the head."

Burns. I have had a few in the last few weeks.

I kissed goodbye to my life two weeks ago as I began the second semester of the police academy.

Burn.

Amazing that everyone is getting along with one another, or so it seems. I'm sure there is still a lot of garbage talking, gossiping, and throwing people under the bus, but at least I'm not one of those folk. I'm doing my best this semester to be Switzerland and so far, it's working. I'm pretty sure it's the only way to survive that lion's den. Imagine a room filled with type "A" personalities. A nightmare, I know. Unlike the general population of cadets, I am not there to make friends, or form any life long bonds with anyone. I am there to graduate and move on. I don't get asked to "go to dinner", or go "downtown" and that's just fine with me. Truth be told, I'd rather have a pap smear. I like my husband, I like my kids. I'd rather be home with them during what little free time I have (or at karate).

Oh Karate, how I miss thee. My stress relief. My staple of life. The activity that keeps me from losing my mind. I'm slowing unraveling now. Because of school, I can only train once a week now and this does not bode well for my grand plans with Karate. No tournaments, no special training seminars, no weekend sparring. I want my black belt, I want to teach it, I want to share it with everyone I know even if they could care less.

I want (selfish), I want (selfish), I want (selfish). I want my own dojo (dreaming).

I want to finish school. After I do that, a world of new doors will open for me and I will be able to do whatever I want. The chips, I hope, will finally all fall into place. And I do hope because I will be 35 this year. Burn!

I want (not selfish) to finish school for my children. I want them to see that it is NEVER too late to go after what you want in life. At 23, I wanted a husband. At 25, I wanted children. Now that I've achieved both of those things, I want a career doing something that I not only love, but a career that I was born to do.

I want my children to see that if you want something bad enough, you can accomplish it no matter how old you are and no matter what obstacles stand in your way. If you have a dream, knock down everything and everyone that is standing in your way. If you work hard enough and dream big enough, nobody can tell you that you can't do something. Thanks to Uncle Sam, you can go to school for nothing and pay it back later. There is no excuse. You take your dream and you run with it.

Dad graduated college at 34. Mom is doing it at 35, you can too! You can. If you want to.

The hardest part is getting off your butt. Once the momentum is going, it's hard to give up. I've wanted to quit the academy several times, but deep down I am a fighter so I will not allow myself to quit. As much as a bitch and moan, I will not quit. I will never quit. And I hope my children see this perseverance. I believe that my daughter does as she just received an award at school for her perseverance. She works so hard, that kid. Twice as hard for the same results...just like me. But if she wants something, she fights for it.

And I'm sure that, like me, she'll have many burns along the way.

My son. Oh, my son Alekz. Received his first and what had better be his LAST suspension from school. Who suspends a first grade, seven year old boy from school? Bromley East Charter School does! He said something inappropriate, but he is seven for crying out loud! Yes, there are rules. Yes, he needs to follow them, but potty talk out of a seven year old boy is NORMAL. I am not going to disclose what he said. Had a ten year old boy said what he said, I'd understand the suspension, but a seven year old boy? He is clueless. He knew he shouldn't have talked like he did, but he also didn't know why he said what he said was so wrong. Instead of explaining to the child why it was improper (he most likely wouldn't understand anyway because it is adult in nature), they suspend him.

And had one pissed off Mother on their hands.

It took me an entire day to cool off. At first I was mad at my son for getting suspended. That's pretty much one of the worst calls you can get. When I went to pick him up at the Principal's office, I was mad. I was livid, but when I walked in there and saw him cowering in the chair with his freshly made "100th day of school" hat on, I was sad. Have the schools really come to this? My poor kid.

Back in the day (my day), the comment he made would have meant a phone call home and maybe...just maybe a detention at lunch time. Now? You're out on your ass. It's a sad state of affairs my friends when an innocent seven year old little boy gets suspended for potty humor.

We didn't discipline him. Although a fresh bar of Ivory soap on the kitchen counter awaits for potty talk. We had to do something after all.

I think my child is bored. He is very intelligent. Straight A student. Behavior, not so good. Maybe he wants more. I'm sure he wants more. I took him out of what I thought was too easy of a program for him last year and put him into a core classroom because he was bored in Kindergarten. He is excelling beyond anything we had thought. He finishes his homework in less than five minutes. Maybe he is acting out because he is just bored. I don't know what to do except watch him very closely. My child will NOT be labeled "trouble" because he is bored. If anything, I will see to it that he is challenged and encouraged. I will fight tooth and nail for him. I will fight for any of my kids.

They will go for what they want and work toward their fullest potential no matter who the heck stands in their way and tells them they can't. No way. Not now and not ever.

Life is too short and far too precious. Although things may have been handed to me as a kid, life is not like that. People are going to stand in your way at almost every turn telling you that you can't. There will be obstacles and enablers around every corner. There is no pity party. There is no "woe is me". You, and you alone, are in charge of your own life. Don't you ever let anyone tell you can't, or you shouldn't, or better yet, "it wouldn't be wise".

If you want something bad enough, there is absolutely nothing but YOURSELF standing in your way.